Baptism By Vomit

Motherhood is not always a pretty state. Yesterday, munchkin spit up while I was holding her, and it went right into my mouth. Half-digested curds of my breast milk tasted much like I thought they would.

I am a first-time mother. I have no idea what I'm doing most of the time. I feel disgusting about 80% of my day, and I'm struggling with some mild post-partum depression. Right now, I'm watching Munchkin sleep on the baby monitor and feeling very happy at the state of things. At 11am this morning, I was crying at her crying at me.

When I first found out I was pregnant, I was so excited. Some of my friends had babies, and I had baby sat when I was a teenager. This would just be the next big thing in my life. I had no idea just how hard it would be.

Newborns are supposed to sleep away 90% of their day. Munchkin barely slept as soon as we took her home from the hospital. I still remember that first 48-hour period before we were discharged. She was quiet, calm, adorable. I kept just staring at her. She was perfect. I loved her. I felt good.

"How babies are in the hospital is a good indicator of how their mood will be once you leave," a nurse told me. She was wrong. So, so wrong.

Munchkin has had colic. I have had mood swings. My husband has had extra projects at work and extended hours. Things were chaos (and still are). As I got a handle on my moods, and got the swing of soothing munchkin, life has gotten sweeter. In the past few weeks I keep repeating the same thing over and over again. "I had no idea it would be like this." I didn't. I mean, I knew, logically, what it would be like. But I didn't really know, emotionally, physically, mentally.

There are no amount of classes you can take, books you can read, research you can do, to adequately prepare for this. I don't think it even matters if it's your first of fourth kid. Every child is different, even from the first days after birth. Every baby has different needs, a different personality. I knew when Munchkin tore her own hair out after her first real bath (real story) that she was going to be a dramatic and intense little girl. That wasn't in any baby books. I didn't see that sort of behavior in any documentaries. I wasn't prepared, but I handled it. I scooped her up in my arms when her little fingers wouldn't release their grasp. I held her and sang until her hand relaxed. I kissed her little chubby cheeks until she blinked and calmed. I coped with her screaming, her fussiness, her intensity.

I think that's what motherhood is about. I watch her, I learn, and I react. Motherhood (and parenthood in general) is a learn-as-you-go phenomena. It's baptism by vomit.

Speaking as a White, Straight Girl...

Speaking as a white, straight girl, who has authority over your story?

There's been some big minds doing some great thinking on the subject for a while now. As a write of no color, there is often a question of whether or not it is appropriate to tell the story belonging to a person (or character) of color. When I think way back to the time of the Imperialism, and the treatment of "native peoples" by white imperialists, as well as the "documentation of natives" by white explorers, I start to cringe. That being said, there is a big difference between that sort of writing and a well-written novel or short story with a POC protagonist. But still, does a white person have authority over a narrative of that nature? Can a white person adequately and honestly portray a person of color? I think this is an important question, that I don't necessarily have the answer to.

The same sort of questioning could be applied to straight writers writing about characters with differing sexual orientations.

It isn't just a question of being respectful of the subject matter. It's more of a question of how do you write the character authentically?

Granted, these questions rarely get raised if a female author is writing from a male POV, or a male author is writing from a female POV. I wonder, do the author's intentions matter here, or should authors always avoid writing characters of different backgrounds to avoid in-authenticity? What are your thoughts?

Crooked

Crooked is my freshman novel. (Yup, I'm anticipated that one day I'll write a "sophomore novel.") It's the story of a drag queen named Freddie (a.k.a. Pistil Whipped) who escapes Boston with an ex-lover to save his own life, leaving behind his romantic partner, his drag mother, and his life on the stage.

Freddie is a true misfit. Between his profession, his sexuality, and his inability to commit, he finds himself alienated from those around him. He's crooked, in a straight world. As a way to further explore his crooked nature, I've decided to start a regular feature on my blog. It will be true to the nature of Freddie, and focus on something I'm very passionate about, LGBT rights.

Enjoy!