“If you can't say something nice, say nothing at all.”
Do you remember that old adage? I sure do. It seems to be
lost on a lot of people these days. I was reminded of this when I checked into
one of my favorite blogs today and found this: http://groupthink.jezebel.com/thank-you-i-love-unsolicited-opinions-on-my-appearance-486185660
In the blurb, the author shares her experience of some guy
(who works in the service industry and should know better) made a critical and
unsolicited statement of the author’s appearance, while simultaneously making
sexual innuendo. Good job, guy. Good job.
It seems that many strangers are willing to offer you up
their personal opinions of your appearance, especially if you’re a woman. When
I worked in retail, it happened on numerous occasions. The following is just a
small sampling:
-
That skirt doesn’t look that nice on you.
-
I’d prefer you without the dramatic makeup.
-
Why do you wear your hair like that?
The most heinous event I can remember is one man in
particular, who was, shall we say, rotund. The following was a brief exchange:
Man: “When are you due?”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Man: “The baby. When are you due?”
Me: “I’m not pregnant.”
Man: “Oh. Well, you must have just had a baby.”
Me: “No.”
Man: “Well, too many ice cream sundaes then, huh?”
Go. To. Hell.
Throughout that exchange I managed to keep my cool. Despite
all my not-so-subtle hints that he should shut the eff up, he continued on. I
was firm when I said, “No.” My body language was stiff and uncomfortable. I
looked at him directly in the eyes when I told him, without a smile on my face,
that I was not pregnant. Despite all this, he felt it was his obligation to
make very vocal commentary not only on my appearance, but my body. My body is
mine, not yours. You’re not allowed to talk about it unless I give you
permission, and you’re sure as hell not allowed to publically tell me how fat
you think I am. (BTW, I have a healthy BMI and exercise regularly, not that
that should even matter. No one deserves to by body shammed or publicly criticized
over their appearance.)
So here’s my question in all of this: Why is it that some people
feel the need to make unsolicited commentary on other people’s bodies / appearances?
Granted, this is mostly a lady problem, as this is something I know countless
other women deal with regularly. But what compels a person to go out of their
way and essentially insult a stranger?
I’m not sure why it happens, but it does. So I guess, let me
just reiterate the old saying: If you don’t have anything nice to say, then
shut the hell up.
