House Hunters for the Rest of Us

My husband and I are finally looking to purchase a house, and as most others in our situation, we've been binge watching house hunters. I have to say, that it is the most annoying show in the world to watch, especially when you're house hunting on a very limited budget. The requests that people make are mostly ridiculous.

We were watching on episode in particular the other night, where a married couple absolutely needed a house that someone famous had lived in. This was a need. Do you want to know what my needs are for a house? A roof that won't leak, enough room for my munchkin to have her own bedroom, ceilings high enough that my 6-foot-tall husband and my 5-foot-nine self won't hit our heads on them, and a place that is safe enough to have a baby. And we're having a difficult time even finding something that meets those requirements in our price range. This is why I propose a realistic version of House Hunters. Maybe we can call it House Hunters: No Bullshit. What do you think?

Everything You Need to Know About Parenting

It seems like there are no shortage of parenting books out there. There are books on sleeping, feeding, burping, fussing, crying, pooping, growing and just all-around baby stuff. The amount of information available in print and online is overwhelming. I've compile what I believe to be the key facts when it comes to parenting.

• There is not a book in existence that will impart some sort of magical cure-all wisdom on you. Your baby will cry, even if she is the bestest, cutest, most happy baby in the universe, she will cry. 
• Whoever said "sleeping like a baby" deserves to be drawn and quartered. Sleeping is incredibly difficult for babies to do well. In fact, so is eating, having bowel movements, and just about everything else. Imagine someone asked you to walk a tightrope for the first time and expected you to not fall. Babies are like that, with EVERYTHING. 
• You're going to feel like shit. No matter what. No matter how much experience you have with kids, no matter how happy your baby is. You will give zero fucks about the actual facts (that your baby has survived and remains physically intact). You will have moments of sheer terror that you are ruining your perfect little munchkin for ever with whatever it is you're doing. Take a moment. Count your baby's fingers and toes. Ten of each? Success! Give yourself a pat on the back and marvel at the miracle that she is ALIVE and HEALTHY. If she isn't healthy? There are doctors, specialists, medicine, hospitals and so many more resources available to you. 
• Do NOT get involved in the mommy wars. Seriously. Everyone has their own parenting style. Everyone has their own methods that they swear by. It's fine if you do something different, just as it's fine if other people do something different. The good thing is, if you are working in what you believe to be your child's best interests, it's pretty hard to do something wrong. So, unless someone is causing physical harm to their child, keep your damn mouth shut about their parenting techniques. Everyone has their reasons for their choices. 
• Ask for help. Seriously, especially at first. With cooking, cleaning, changing diapers. You NEED to shower, it's imperative. It will make you feel like a human, so don't hesitate to ask for help so you can get a break. Our generation is one of the first generations to rear children without the 24-hour support net of extended family standing by. 
• Focus on the basics first. Don't worry about toys or play yards or any of that crap at first. Focus on the basics: food, diapers and sleep. 

I've only been a mom for two months, so take all that advice with a grain of salt. Actually, that's my last bit of advice. Take ALL advice with a grain of salt. No one's advice will work for every baby, every family, every day, etc. Follow your gut. 

I Wrote a Book

It's official. I wrote my first novel. As of right now, it's still a steaming pile of poop (I'm a parent now...I have to watch my language), but there's potential there. I'm supposed to have a final draft done within the next month to complete my MFA, so here's to spending every waking moment editing, revising and rereading this thing. I may want to kill my protagonist by the end of it.

The experience has taught me a lot, like to plan ahead, dammit. I spent the first 1.5 years of my masters writing the first half of the book and hating every second of it. The past six months have been spent revising that half, and figuring out what the hell was next (and wishing I had figured it out sooner). I always fancied myself as the sort of person who has to write it in order to know what I'm writing about. I still think that's true, but now I know how to harness that power. I can't stop writing until the draft is done, otherwise I get bogged down in the details of scenes that I'll likely delete later anyways.

I've also learned to kill your darlings. I know, I know, the phrase is cliche nowadays. But it's true. I deleted over 40,000 words. That's half a novel gone. And my manuscript is so much better served for it. I'm not going to lie, I cried with each stroke of the backspace key, but it was so worth it.

Finally, I learned that I can do this. Fuck yeah! (the little one is asleep...I can swear sometimes). I WROTE A FUCKING NOVEL. Now I need to actually make it a good novel. That's a whole different post...