Milestones & Self Worth

This is something I swore I'd never do: use my baby's milestones as a measure of my own self-worth.
It's ridiculous, and I see parents do it all the time. "Little Johnny is already sleeping through the night!" often comes across as "I'm better at this whole parenting thing than you are." It's a hard line to toe, but it's an important one to keep in mind. I have to keep myself in check all the time.

This becomes extra difficult when, as parents, we internalize our children's failures as well as their successes. If munchkin stops sleeping well, I think about what I did to mess it up. If she develops slowly in one area, how am I failing her in that area? Those can make the successes all that much more important.

Don't brag

It's important to share happy milestones, but I have to make sure that we are sharing them with purpose. I catch myself talking about Munchkin's stellar sleeping or impressive tummy time without anyone else bringing those subjects up. For parents with kids that are struggling in those areas, it can be a painful reminder, so I try to keep conversations focused. I spend time to listen, and if and when I offer advice to a parent who seems stressed out, I try to not say, "You should do this," but rather, "This is what worked for us, but every kid is different." 

Keep it in perspective

Every kid is different, and every parent is different. Some children develop really fast at earlier stages, others at later stages. Everyone reaches milestones at different rates. The important thing is that kids are moving in the right direction. Sometimes, saying things like, "Munchkin is so easy now, I'm sure she'll be a handful in her toddler years," can diffuse the conversation from "look at how awesome my kid is," to, "let me share something exciting, and talk about my concerns for the future."  

Be Honest

Parenting is never easy. Sometimes, it's easier than other times, but it's always on a spectrum ranging from "the most difficult thing ever" to "Tough, but rewarding." I try to not let the happy moments dominate my conversation, just as, speaking about my career or hobbies or interests, I wouldn't let the negative moments dominate. I try to strike a balance between the positive and negative. Friends respond better, and it's a healthier way to evaluate my day. 

I have to remember that munchkin's failures and successes aren't all on me. As strange as it is, this little 5-month old is becoming her own person, with her own personality. It's my job to guide her, director, focus her, but she's the one behind that baby-sized wheel.