We've Moved!!

I've officially moved the blog over to my new website: www.aimeeterra.com
See you there!

The Only Cure for the Mean Reds

So it has been a while...
I'd like to say that I've been madly revising my manuscript, or working on something new, or even just being a good literary citizen and helping other writers...but no. I have not.

I had a party this past weekend and it was loads of fun. Two separate circles of friends met and interacted for the first time, and all was good. But it was exhausting. I'm an introvert by nature, so although I love people, they exhaust me. I came out of the weekend feeling deflated, like a party balloon someone let all the air out of. And then I encountered one of my many mood swings, and came down with what Holly Golightly dubbed the mean reds.

 "Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of."

And that's how I felt all of Sunday...and Monday...and Tuesday...and then some time around 8:30 last night I plopped myself down on the couch and started reading The Dog Year.
Full disclosure: I know the author. She is a kind and funny lady, and a very talented writer. Her humor is what drew me to the book. I thought to myself, She's funny, her book will cheer me up. And despite the fact that it's about a woman who loses her husband and unborn child in a single accident, and then in the wreckage of her life, attempts to fill the void by stealing things she doesn't need, it has done just that. I am loving every moment of it. The humor and candidness with which Garvin explores her protagonist's world is just perfect.
I plan on doing a more in-depth review of it and posting it here in a week. I still have a few more chapters to go, and the only thing keeping me from plowing though it in one go is the five month old currently kicking me in the shins.
When Holly Golightly comes down with a case of the mean reds, she finds herself at Tiffany's, eating her breakfast, sipping her coffee, and imagining a world in which all things are new and shiny and carelessly elegant. When I come down with the mean reds, I find a book. I imagine a world, not unlike our own, but filled with different people, different problems. I tell myself a story, or I find someone else to. A world with books can't be all that bad.

Endless Edits

I need to finish my book.

I mean, there is a finished draft of my book. It was good enough to earn a passing grade for my MFA. But I need to really finish my book. 

I keep staring at the blinking cursor, like I'm the movie-version of a writer with writer's block. Now that I have a completed draft, that isn't it too bad of shape, the task of fully editing, doing rewrites, and nailing down that second half so it's as good as the first half, is all that much more daunting.

I crave for the beginning of projects. My mind starts buzzing, and all I can think about is digging my heels in and getting started. In the beginning, everything is fresh, and new, and exciting. Now, I'm tired. I'm weary. I'm ready to finish this damn thing.

I'm setting myself a deadline. August 1st, I'll have the next completed draft of this thing ready for beta readers. After that, another draft, another round of readers. January 1st, I'll be querying agents with a completed manuscript.

In the immortal words of a friend and fellow writer, I've got this.

That Time the GOP Answered the Question, Hot or Not?

Buzzfeed has some pretty impressive scanned pages of Spy magazine up right now, showing an issue in 1995 that has the answers of GOP party members on whether or not they believed the First Lady of the United States to be "hot." 

Ugh. 

At least I can say that we came a long way, right? Who am I kidding? I could do a quick search and pull up a ton of disheartening instances where female candidates from both parties are sexualized, and criticized solely for their appearance, but I don't want to find myself going down a depressive rabbit hole. I mean, I know that this is a satirical magazine, but when will all of this focus on female candidates' appearances go away? I don't care if Hillary is hot. I don't care if Sarah Palin is hot. Do you know what I care about? Their politics, their voting records, their stances on gun legislation and foreign relations, how they plan on handling the economy, what they think about women's reproductive rights. 

The only time I have ever heard a male candidate's physique discussed was Chris Christie, and that was in relation to a statement he had specifically said about losing weight before he wanted to run for president. So maybe, just maybe, if we do have any female candidates this election cycle, we can forego the discussion of cellulite, clothing, hair styles, makeup choices, and "hotness," and instead, focus on the issues. 

OITNB: Everyone Has Mommy Issues

I recently binge-watched all of season two of OITNB. This season was spectacular, and I was lucky enough to be able to write up a review & synopsis for my pals over at The Cubic Lane.

Read my full article here: http://www.cubiclane.com/2014/06/orange-is-the-new-black-everyones-got-mommy-issues

I Finally Did It...

After two years of blood, ink and tears (boy, were there tears), I finally completed my MFA in Fiction from Southern New Hampshire University.

I am so proud of myself. I'm thrilled. I'm ecstatic. But I'm also a little sad.

The MFA program was a safe place. And no, it's not nearly as cheesy as it sounds. There were peers, going through the same struggles. There were mentors and faculty, filled with wisdom and advice. There were craft workshops. There were peer workshops. There were critiques. And now? Nothing.

It doesn't mean that I will live in a writing desert. In fact, there are plenty of writer's groups in the area. I have friends that I can set up manuscript exchanges with. And there are great resources for alum. But now, the onus is on me. I fully own every word that I write, and that safety net (you know, the one where your mentor can pull you aside and say, 'What the hell are you doing?') doesn't exist anymore.

10 Things I’ve Learned from Having My First Kid, and Having Kid-less Friends

1.      No one cares about your baby’s poop. This seems like pretty standard knowledge, but when you’re a new parent, and in the “fray,” your poop stories can feel like war stories. You might feel compelled to share, but (much like war stories) unless they’ve lived through it, your friends won’t really appreciate the attention to detail when discussing Little Suzy’s Jackson-Pollock-like diaper art.

2.      No one understands bedtime. “But seriously, can’t you just come out for the night?” No, I can’t, because it will destroy the very carefully constructed bedtime ritual and undo all of the hours of work and dedication I have put into just making this kid sleep. Seriously, this must have been what the Mayans felt like anytime someone messed up a rain dance and then they had months of drought.

3.      Nothing is normal anymore. You are generally not the same person after procreation. On the very basic level, you change from having free time, freedom of choice, and ample time to sleep. Those three factors alone will shift the chemical make-up of your brain. Throw in hours of baby-talk, lack of adult interaction, and becoming okay with getting pooped and vomited on, and you’re a whole-new you.

4.      Everything is normal. “Does Little Johnny always cry like that?” Yes, yes he does. Why, you ask? Oh, because it’s his nap time. Things like constant noise, screaming, babbling, getting pooped and peed on, and no longer owning a shirt without spit-up stains all become normal. To your friends, your house may feel like a warzone, but to you, it’s all part of a normal day.

5.      Babies don’t sleep all the time. “But wait, I thought babies slept all the time.” HA! No. Whoever came up with the term “sleeping like a baby” needs to be punched in the face. Babies do not sleep all the time. In fact, it is hours and hours of hard work, after carefully timed and planned activities, just to get your baby in the mood to sleep. Babies have to learn to fall asleep, just like they have to (eventually) learn to crawl, walk, eat solid foods, talk, etc.

6.      No one can really watch your baby and give you that break. Okay, so there are likely some people that can watch your baby and give you a little break from time to time, but any of your friends that offer that don’t have experience watching small children should never be taken-up on their offer. Why? Because babies are hard. Even grandparents, who raised their own children, will often become overwhelmed, exhausted and frustrated with just an hour of baby-watching. Everyone forgets how tough babies are. That’s why people have more than one kid.

7.       You’re doing it wrong. Everyone has advice for you, even your childless friends. Just keep smiling as they tell you the best ways to put the little one down for a nap, or how they just read about how you should really be doing <insert latest parent trend here>.

8.      You take way too many baby photos. Everything is cute, precious, amazing, spectacular and funny when it comes to your baby. Half of your friends will love all your pictures, and the other half will think you’ve disappeared into a baby-photo wormhole. C'est la vie.

9.      Not everyone wants kids. And that is a-okay. Better that people know that before having children. Not everyone wants to be around kids, either. Kids can stress people out, cause anxiety, be loud, dominating, and distracting.

10.  You will make your friends uncomfortable.  You’ll probably be wearing more sweatpants, shower less, have frazzled hair, and your brain will be scrambled. That isn’t even taking into account people who’ve never seen a woman breastfeed (if you decide to go that route). You will make your friends uncomfortable, even if you aren’t uncomfortable. It’s okay. Your life has changed. It will take some time to adjust, and hopefully they’re up for the task. 

Milestones & Self Worth

This is something I swore I'd never do: use my baby's milestones as a measure of my own self-worth.
It's ridiculous, and I see parents do it all the time. "Little Johnny is already sleeping through the night!" often comes across as "I'm better at this whole parenting thing than you are." It's a hard line to toe, but it's an important one to keep in mind. I have to keep myself in check all the time.

This becomes extra difficult when, as parents, we internalize our children's failures as well as their successes. If munchkin stops sleeping well, I think about what I did to mess it up. If she develops slowly in one area, how am I failing her in that area? Those can make the successes all that much more important.

Don't brag

It's important to share happy milestones, but I have to make sure that we are sharing them with purpose. I catch myself talking about Munchkin's stellar sleeping or impressive tummy time without anyone else bringing those subjects up. For parents with kids that are struggling in those areas, it can be a painful reminder, so I try to keep conversations focused. I spend time to listen, and if and when I offer advice to a parent who seems stressed out, I try to not say, "You should do this," but rather, "This is what worked for us, but every kid is different." 

Keep it in perspective

Every kid is different, and every parent is different. Some children develop really fast at earlier stages, others at later stages. Everyone reaches milestones at different rates. The important thing is that kids are moving in the right direction. Sometimes, saying things like, "Munchkin is so easy now, I'm sure she'll be a handful in her toddler years," can diffuse the conversation from "look at how awesome my kid is," to, "let me share something exciting, and talk about my concerns for the future."  

Be Honest

Parenting is never easy. Sometimes, it's easier than other times, but it's always on a spectrum ranging from "the most difficult thing ever" to "Tough, but rewarding." I try to not let the happy moments dominate my conversation, just as, speaking about my career or hobbies or interests, I wouldn't let the negative moments dominate. I try to strike a balance between the positive and negative. Friends respond better, and it's a healthier way to evaluate my day. 

I have to remember that munchkin's failures and successes aren't all on me. As strange as it is, this little 5-month old is becoming her own person, with her own personality. It's my job to guide her, director, focus her, but she's the one behind that baby-sized wheel. 

How to Write About A Trans Person...

I feel like, as a simple blogger, I shouldn't really have to tell the "real" writers, reporters, and media personalities how to do their jobs. But I guess I do, at least when it comes to trans men and women.

First and foremost, here it is: http://www.glaad.org/reference/transgender

Learn it.

What has spurred me to share this with the world (which honestly, you can use a search engine, can't you?)? A lot of trans individuals have been in the news lately. Lavern Cox was on the cover of Time magazine. Orange is the New Black's second season was released on Netflix. JLo's boyfriend cheated on her with a trans woman. R.Kelly's child came out as transgendered.

1. Lavern Cox

Lavern Cox was listed as one of Time's 100 most influential people, and even got her own cover story. She an actress and activist, and she's been very outspoken about issues facing trans people since her increase in popularity as a result of her role on Orange is the New Black. In short, I love her. She's fabulous, gracious and beautiful. That, however, doesn't stop people from saying/writing idiotic things.

Rush Limbaugh took it upon himself to use probably one of the most volatile words you could to describe transgendered people. Luckily, there was a smart woman listening in, ready to turn Limbaugh's venom into a teachable moment.

2. JLo's boyfriend

It's all over the tabloids. JLo's boyfriend cheated on her. But that isn't the "real" story, is it? No, the real story is that he cheated on her with a trans woman. Oh the confusion! How will media outlets refer to this other woman? Or should it be other man?! No. She's not a man. And she's not transsexual. Those aren't even the same things. 

Not only are the tabloids getting this all wrong, but so are media personalities like Jenny McCarthy. Granted, I know McCarthy isn't exactly a paradigm of educated discourse, but could you please please just think for a second? 

3. R.Kelly's Child

First of all, R.Kelly's child, formerly known as Jaya, has come out as a transgendered boy. This means that she was born with the anatomy of a girl, but identifies as a boy. It's icky that media outlets are reporting on children of celebrities at all, but if you're going to do it, at least do it appropriately. The blow quote is from http://naturallymoi.com.

Now, Jaya has reportedly decided that she just wants to be known as Jay.  The child also doesn’t want to be pretty anymore, she would prefer to be handsome.   She is part of the latest trend in the “Transguy” culture, where young people are choosing to claim whatever gender they identify with the most.

Um, I'm pretty sure that "Transguy" culture is not a thing. Being transgendered is not a youth trend, and while some people do choose what gender they identify with, others are transgender from birth, and not through any sort of choosing. Also, is it really that hard to use the appropriate pronoun? Jay is a boy. Identify him as such, even if he was born with female anatomy, you use the male pronoun here.
Then, there's this little gem:

The only reference we could find on what it means to be a trans guy is wikipedia, which gives this definition -”A trans man (also trans-man or transman) is a female-to-male (FtM) transgender or transsexual person. A trans man is assigned female at birth, but identifies as male.”

Really? Do you not have google? Did you not type into any search engine, "how to write about trans people." Because the third option down it the GLAAD link I posted at the top of this. If that was the only information you could find, it is because you're lazy, not because that's the only information out there.

What's the Big Deal?

I know some people will say, hey, this is relatively new, what't the big deal? People are bound to get things wrong at first. Don't be the "PC Police." I'm calling bullshit on this. 

Do you own a computer or have access to one?

Have you ever used a search engine?

Do you know how to type questions?

If you answered yes to these questions, than you can find out how to act like a respectful adult when it comes to transgendered issues. If you still failed to act/write appropriately, than it is a direct result of your lack of interest in being respectful. It is a sign of laziness, ignorance, and most damning, unwillingness to learn. 

Film Watch: Obvious Child, the Abortion Rom Com

Yes, Obvious Child is the love store of two young people who find each other, have sex with each other, and find each other again after Slate's character, Donna, discovers that she's pregnant and decides to get an abortion. And yes, I can't wait to see it.

I know that abortion is a hot topic. Everyone has an opinion on whether or not it should be legal and socially/morally acceptable. I believe that abortions should be safe and legally attainable. I wont get into the nitty-gritty of my beliefs here beyond that (if you want to ask, feel free to leave a comment).

Regardless of your political stance on the subject, I think we can (or should) all agree that honesty is the best policy, and the main reason why I'm so excited to see Obvious Child is that it is a REALISTIC depiction of a woman in Donna's situation.

We all know that films and television are paradigms of realism, but the lies that are perpetrated by fiction seem to reinforce the false choices that women in Donna's situation face. The film was informed by real-life statistics and Planned Parenthood advised on the script.

Films that portray women who are faced with an unexpected pregnancy putting the baby up for adoption. According to Advancing New Standards in Reproductive Health, 9% of fictional characters place their baby up for adoption, where only 1% of real women do the same. Films also portray abortion clinics as unclean, unsafe, and terrifying places (a reality that will only come to fruition if abortion is made illegal and procedures become unregulated), and abortions as incredibly painful experiences. Real life does not work in absolutes. On average, abortions take about 20 minutes, and the pain that follows is a dull ache, similar to menstrual cramps.

Other fallacies that this film tackles? That abortions are expensive, dangerous procedures that you will immediately regret. Abortions are, statistically speaking, safer than having a baby when it comes to the woman's health. Abortions are not cost-prohibitive, not dangerous, and the only decisions you'll regret are ones you haven't thought through.

Regardless of what side of this debate you are on, what we need is more honest information and facts, and it looks like Obvious Child will deliver on that front, along with wit, charm, and romance.

Baptism By Vomit

Motherhood is not always a pretty state. Yesterday, munchkin spit up while I was holding her, and it went right into my mouth. Half-digested curds of my breast milk tasted much like I thought they would.

I am a first-time mother. I have no idea what I'm doing most of the time. I feel disgusting about 80% of my day, and I'm struggling with some mild post-partum depression. Right now, I'm watching Munchkin sleep on the baby monitor and feeling very happy at the state of things. At 11am this morning, I was crying at her crying at me.

When I first found out I was pregnant, I was so excited. Some of my friends had babies, and I had baby sat when I was a teenager. This would just be the next big thing in my life. I had no idea just how hard it would be.

Newborns are supposed to sleep away 90% of their day. Munchkin barely slept as soon as we took her home from the hospital. I still remember that first 48-hour period before we were discharged. She was quiet, calm, adorable. I kept just staring at her. She was perfect. I loved her. I felt good.

"How babies are in the hospital is a good indicator of how their mood will be once you leave," a nurse told me. She was wrong. So, so wrong.

Munchkin has had colic. I have had mood swings. My husband has had extra projects at work and extended hours. Things were chaos (and still are). As I got a handle on my moods, and got the swing of soothing munchkin, life has gotten sweeter. In the past few weeks I keep repeating the same thing over and over again. "I had no idea it would be like this." I didn't. I mean, I knew, logically, what it would be like. But I didn't really know, emotionally, physically, mentally.

There are no amount of classes you can take, books you can read, research you can do, to adequately prepare for this. I don't think it even matters if it's your first of fourth kid. Every child is different, even from the first days after birth. Every baby has different needs, a different personality. I knew when Munchkin tore her own hair out after her first real bath (real story) that she was going to be a dramatic and intense little girl. That wasn't in any baby books. I didn't see that sort of behavior in any documentaries. I wasn't prepared, but I handled it. I scooped her up in my arms when her little fingers wouldn't release their grasp. I held her and sang until her hand relaxed. I kissed her little chubby cheeks until she blinked and calmed. I coped with her screaming, her fussiness, her intensity.

I think that's what motherhood is about. I watch her, I learn, and I react. Motherhood (and parenthood in general) is a learn-as-you-go phenomena. It's baptism by vomit.

Speaking as a White, Straight Girl...

Speaking as a white, straight girl, who has authority over your story?

There's been some big minds doing some great thinking on the subject for a while now. As a write of no color, there is often a question of whether or not it is appropriate to tell the story belonging to a person (or character) of color. When I think way back to the time of the Imperialism, and the treatment of "native peoples" by white imperialists, as well as the "documentation of natives" by white explorers, I start to cringe. That being said, there is a big difference between that sort of writing and a well-written novel or short story with a POC protagonist. But still, does a white person have authority over a narrative of that nature? Can a white person adequately and honestly portray a person of color? I think this is an important question, that I don't necessarily have the answer to.

The same sort of questioning could be applied to straight writers writing about characters with differing sexual orientations.

It isn't just a question of being respectful of the subject matter. It's more of a question of how do you write the character authentically?

Granted, these questions rarely get raised if a female author is writing from a male POV, or a male author is writing from a female POV. I wonder, do the author's intentions matter here, or should authors always avoid writing characters of different backgrounds to avoid in-authenticity? What are your thoughts?

Crooked

Crooked is my freshman novel. (Yup, I'm anticipated that one day I'll write a "sophomore novel.") It's the story of a drag queen named Freddie (a.k.a. Pistil Whipped) who escapes Boston with an ex-lover to save his own life, leaving behind his romantic partner, his drag mother, and his life on the stage.

Freddie is a true misfit. Between his profession, his sexuality, and his inability to commit, he finds himself alienated from those around him. He's crooked, in a straight world. As a way to further explore his crooked nature, I've decided to start a regular feature on my blog. It will be true to the nature of Freddie, and focus on something I'm very passionate about, LGBT rights.

Enjoy!

A Thesis & a Baby

This has been a pretty busy year for me so far. I had a baby in January, my husband and I are buying a house, and I just turned in my final copy of my thesis for my MFA. Since I've accomplished so much in just these past four months, I'm inclined to give myself a nice little pat on the back. Instead, I'm spending my evenings trying to figure out what's next (while packing, bedding down the munchkin, and trying to keep some order in the house).

I could continue on with school. I have, in fact, put in an application to Drexel University for an MS in Library Sciences. I'm very keen on continuing my education, both from a practical viewpoint (this degree could easily qualify me for a whole slew of other jobs, as well as defer my student loan payments and put me on a track for a pretty neat career), and from a philosophical viewpoint (I love learning new things). That being said, I'm not sure it's a good idea right now. Motherhood has sort of warped my world-view, and not necessarily in a bad way. I'm thinking about munchkin now, too, and how I want to spend time with her. School might inhibit my ability to focus on all of the milestones ahead, and before I make a commitment to another degree, I want to make sure it's the right thing for me (and for us).

I'm also trying my hand at adjuncting. I've put out a few applications, and I know I'd really love to teach again. I haven't taught on a professional level yet, just a few seminars and workshops, but I'd love a regular gig where I get to engage others on the topics of literature and language.

And of course, there's trying to get published. My novel is still a ways away from being shopable for agents. I'm waiting for the final word from my readers that I've passed, but I know I'll get some great feedback that I'll likely want to incorporate into another draft. Heck, I may even want to shelf it for a few months and give myself some distance. I'm at the point now where every time I read it I feel like I'm going blind. I have started submitting to smaller publications and more online venues as well. I just got the word that an essay I penned will be published on Scary Mommy later this month. I'm writing shorter pieces, essays and fiction, and I'm hoping to get my stuff out there.

I still have a ton going on, but with school winding down, and this new chapter of my life beginning, I can't help but feel a little scared by my lack of commitments. It's been a while since I didn't have a looming deadline, and I'm not sure if I can get used to the feeling.

House Hunters for the Rest of Us

My husband and I are finally looking to purchase a house, and as most others in our situation, we've been binge watching house hunters. I have to say, that it is the most annoying show in the world to watch, especially when you're house hunting on a very limited budget. The requests that people make are mostly ridiculous.

We were watching on episode in particular the other night, where a married couple absolutely needed a house that someone famous had lived in. This was a need. Do you want to know what my needs are for a house? A roof that won't leak, enough room for my munchkin to have her own bedroom, ceilings high enough that my 6-foot-tall husband and my 5-foot-nine self won't hit our heads on them, and a place that is safe enough to have a baby. And we're having a difficult time even finding something that meets those requirements in our price range. This is why I propose a realistic version of House Hunters. Maybe we can call it House Hunters: No Bullshit. What do you think?

Everything You Need to Know About Parenting

It seems like there are no shortage of parenting books out there. There are books on sleeping, feeding, burping, fussing, crying, pooping, growing and just all-around baby stuff. The amount of information available in print and online is overwhelming. I've compile what I believe to be the key facts when it comes to parenting.

• There is not a book in existence that will impart some sort of magical cure-all wisdom on you. Your baby will cry, even if she is the bestest, cutest, most happy baby in the universe, she will cry. 
• Whoever said "sleeping like a baby" deserves to be drawn and quartered. Sleeping is incredibly difficult for babies to do well. In fact, so is eating, having bowel movements, and just about everything else. Imagine someone asked you to walk a tightrope for the first time and expected you to not fall. Babies are like that, with EVERYTHING. 
• You're going to feel like shit. No matter what. No matter how much experience you have with kids, no matter how happy your baby is. You will give zero fucks about the actual facts (that your baby has survived and remains physically intact). You will have moments of sheer terror that you are ruining your perfect little munchkin for ever with whatever it is you're doing. Take a moment. Count your baby's fingers and toes. Ten of each? Success! Give yourself a pat on the back and marvel at the miracle that she is ALIVE and HEALTHY. If she isn't healthy? There are doctors, specialists, medicine, hospitals and so many more resources available to you. 
• Do NOT get involved in the mommy wars. Seriously. Everyone has their own parenting style. Everyone has their own methods that they swear by. It's fine if you do something different, just as it's fine if other people do something different. The good thing is, if you are working in what you believe to be your child's best interests, it's pretty hard to do something wrong. So, unless someone is causing physical harm to their child, keep your damn mouth shut about their parenting techniques. Everyone has their reasons for their choices. 
• Ask for help. Seriously, especially at first. With cooking, cleaning, changing diapers. You NEED to shower, it's imperative. It will make you feel like a human, so don't hesitate to ask for help so you can get a break. Our generation is one of the first generations to rear children without the 24-hour support net of extended family standing by. 
• Focus on the basics first. Don't worry about toys or play yards or any of that crap at first. Focus on the basics: food, diapers and sleep. 

I've only been a mom for two months, so take all that advice with a grain of salt. Actually, that's my last bit of advice. Take ALL advice with a grain of salt. No one's advice will work for every baby, every family, every day, etc. Follow your gut. 

I Wrote a Book

It's official. I wrote my first novel. As of right now, it's still a steaming pile of poop (I'm a parent now...I have to watch my language), but there's potential there. I'm supposed to have a final draft done within the next month to complete my MFA, so here's to spending every waking moment editing, revising and rereading this thing. I may want to kill my protagonist by the end of it.

The experience has taught me a lot, like to plan ahead, dammit. I spent the first 1.5 years of my masters writing the first half of the book and hating every second of it. The past six months have been spent revising that half, and figuring out what the hell was next (and wishing I had figured it out sooner). I always fancied myself as the sort of person who has to write it in order to know what I'm writing about. I still think that's true, but now I know how to harness that power. I can't stop writing until the draft is done, otherwise I get bogged down in the details of scenes that I'll likely delete later anyways.

I've also learned to kill your darlings. I know, I know, the phrase is cliche nowadays. But it's true. I deleted over 40,000 words. That's half a novel gone. And my manuscript is so much better served for it. I'm not going to lie, I cried with each stroke of the backspace key, but it was so worth it.

Finally, I learned that I can do this. Fuck yeah! (the little one is asleep...I can swear sometimes). I WROTE A FUCKING NOVEL. Now I need to actually make it a good novel. That's a whole different post...